everything that’s in my head all day, all spilled out

The Paper Trail and other stories of excellent customer service March 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — mustlovepringles @ 12:25 am

I FINALLY have accomplished what I thought would never get done- I’ve navigated my dental insurance successfully and declared a dentist and made an appointment. I am too humiliated to tell how long it’s been since I’ve been to a dentist, but it’s more than a year, which is BAD for someone who really likes to have teeth, preferably healthy teeth.

I have also spent an entire hour dealing with the aforementioned insurance and the various websites connected to all our other insurance, retirement programs and my student loans, all because of name and address changes and passwords being reset because I really can’t remember 17 log-ins. To get a password to my work retirement account, I have to mail them a form. As in through the mail with a stamp. And they’ll mail me one back with a temporary password, again through mail with stamp. And then I can reset my password online. Does the state have any idea how much money it could save by just not being paper-happy? I mean, really, a rainforest in South America is crying right now, as are the postal workers carrying this crap.

The student loan dealings, though, are my favorite. I am trying to be a responsible, conscientious citizen and get my name changed on my student loans so everything is in order should something to happen to me or in case I need to take out other loans for grad school. I want the impeccable record of my maiden name tied to the new record of my married one, darn it.  So I call customer service. After 3 departmental transfers, I reach the most unhelpful woman possible. After explaining that I had had a legal change in my last name and asking how I changed the record to match, she put me on hold for 7 minutes. Then she came back and told me to mail them my ID. I’m sorry- do you mean a copy? (Yes). And should I write anything on this paper that has the ID copy on it? (Yes.) (Silence.) Can you tell me what to write? (Your request.) Is there any kind of wording I need to use? (No.) (Silence.) OK, so I just write that I want my name changed on my loans? Do you need my account number or something? (Yes.) Ma’am, I’m sorry if this is rude, but I feel like you’re really not giving me all the information I need. Can you please tell me everything I need to include in my written request on my paper copy of my ID in order to get the name on my loans changed to match my legal name? (Well, the ID copy, your account number, and your request.) And there is no form for this? Is this not a normal occurrence? (No, no form.) (Silence.) OK, fine, I’ll mail it in. How long should I expect before it’s changed? (10-14 business days) Is faxing quicker? (Yes.) Ok, I’ll do that then. How long will that take? (10-14 business days.) (Sound of me smacking my desk trying not to scream.) So it’s the same? (Yes.) Awesome. OK. Thanks, then. (OK, thank you ma’am. Please stay on the line for a quick survey to give us feedback on my performance. You may press 5 for all questions to give me an excellent rating, and have a nice day.) Scale is 5 being best, 1 being abysmal. 1, 1, 1, 1, I hate you.


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