OK, so I’m still sick, and frankly don’t care about keeping up appearances- so I’m just going to openly admit I’m watching Toddlers and Tiaras. I swore I’d never do that, but I’m doing it. And there is some GOOD STUFF here, y’all. I’m just going to let them write this entry for me.
The pageant, first off, is called America’s Trezured Dolls. I couldn’t ask for a better name.
“My favorite routine is Bathing Suit because it shows my stomach and I like to shake my butt.”- 6 yrs old. Dear God.
“My daughter is going to luxuriate across the stage.”- Mom1
“I had to get like Snoop Dogg McGruff.” Uh, what? Please clarify, Mom1. Oh, that means to bid on Ebay? I see. That makes… sense. And thank you also for introducing me to the term “Pageant Buffies.” “Pageant Buffies are the people who eat, sleep and breathe pageants. We’re gonna show those Buffies what’s what.”
And now the 6 yr old is getting a facial. SHE IS 6, I MEAN REALLY PEOPLE. At least she hated it, there’s hope for her yet.
“If you’re not prepared for a glitz pageant, it can be almost frightening, because it’s like you’re walking into something you’re not prepared for.” I’m sorry, what?
The 6 yr old has a somewhat confused makeup artist/hairstylist. Long blond ponytail, lots of makeup, and a beard. No judgment, just interesting style choices, Sir Lady.
Uh-oh, what’s this? The pageant stopped? It’s an hour behind schedule? Did I mention this was the first time this Trezured pageant was happening? Fab. The director looks like she’s my age and has no clue whatsoever what’s going on. Moms are getting pissed. Do not piss of the Buffies, director, or they’re going to go Snoop Dogg McGruff on you.
The 6 yr old went and shook her butt. Good times.
And now the pageant is 2 hrs and 20 minutes behind schedule. Seriously, I feel for these kids- these 2 yr olds need naps.
There’s a 3 yr old tossing her hair around and shimmying. Her name is Destiny. Something tells me I know what she’s going to be when she grows up…
Wait, the director left? And before leaving, she gave IOU letters to SOME parents saying all the money prizes would be given out in 2 weeks? What? “Gimme the crown, witch!” Thank you, daughter of Snoop Dogg McGruff. And from McGruff- “The judges must be smoking somethin’, because in my eyes, my daughter was the champion.” Well, obvi.
And 3 months later, no one has gotten their money, and no one can reach the director. Scandal.
OK, I’m officially disgusted with myself and I’m going to watch something educational on the History Channel or something.